Good-Bye 2008

One last post to say good-bye to the year. What a year it has been too. Our year TTC in bullets.

• January, February, March were spent temping.
• April and May we were temping and doing OPKs
• June inseminated for the first time
• July found out we were Pregnant
• August had our first ultrasound
• September started spotting
• October we lost our precious little boy
• November we decided we were going to try again
• December we inseminated, got a negative.

We hope that this year brings a lot more positive outcomes. We hope to become pregnant again and have it stick this time. We hope at this time next year to have a little bundle of joy we can call our own. I am not naive enough to say that we will have these things, all I can do is hope. Hope for the future yet to come.

I wish all of you out there a very Happy New Year. For all of you that got your little bundles out there. For the ones that have had a lot of heartbreak but our now expecting. And for all the ones that are still not there yet. I'm thinking of all of yall. Have a safe and happy last day of this year.

First Winter Cold And An After Cristmas Post

This is a little late, but TP and I went away for Christmas. When we got back, I got sick with my first winter cold. So I was in bed all the rest of Sunday and all of Monday. I'm feeling a lot better now, I just hope the kids at work don't make me sick again. We went to her brother and sister-in-laws house, and we had a great time. Their kids woke us up at 4 am to open presents. We were so tired because we had not gone to bed til 1 am, talking and playing cards. Everyone was a little tight this year financially, so not a whole lot of gifts. But most of the gifts had a lot of thought and effort put into them. Really from the heart this year. My Honey gave me this and it was engraved on the back with Shain's name and inside were these pics. I bawled like a baby when I opened it. And so far it has only come off when I go to sleep

TP got a bunch of really old movies from me. Some of these movies I searched hours for to find but it was worth it, she really loved them. She also got Wii Music and Animal Crossing, of course for the Wii. We gave each other some little things too, I got some books and she got some stuff for her wood burning that she does. All in all it was a nice Christmas.

.

We were still a little upset about not being pregnant, and this last cycle not working. But we are ready for this next one. I should be ovulating on the 6th or 7th. So like I said before, we are going to start insemination's on my birthday, the 3rd. I'll be turning 26 and the only thing I am asking is to please have a baby by the time I turn 27.

A Very Merry Christmas

I just want to wish everyone out there a very merry Christmas or whatever you should celebrate. We are heading out tomorrow and wont be back till Monday.

CDI

I'm out this round. My temp took a nose dive yesterday and AF came this afternoon. I was really hoping to be able to give TP a wrapped up positive pregnancy test on Christmas eve. But that's not going to happen. It looks like I will be ovulating around the 6th or 7th. Which means we will be trying on my birthday, which is the 3rd. All I got to say is please give me a great belated birthday present. We are going to start inseminating a little earlier this time around. Last time we only got the day before I ovulated. Where when we had gotten pregnant we did it the 3 days before. Since I seem to be staying consistent on what day I ovulate, we are going to try on CD13 and see if we catch it.

.

I have to tell you I'm a little disappointed. I knew that it probably would not work this first time around. I mean we got really lucky last time when it did take on our first try. This is our first negative try and is was very saddening to me. I only took one test this time around, just watched my temp. and took one this morning. I don't know if I'll be able to last that long again but we will just have to wait and see.

.

I have some pics to show you. First my little baby. She's only 4 months old. Next is a couple of the snow we got. the first one is at 5 am and the last two were in the afternoon when I got home from work and my honey snowplowed the drive. What a sweetheart. I usually do it but we didn't know if I was pregnant or not.

9DPO and 7 inches of snow

It's now 9dpo and I have not tested yet. I am very proud of myself for holding out so long. Still no symptoms but I'm not quite worried about that yet. One more week to go, lets see if I hold out that long. On another note, we got 7 inches of snow last night. I'm going to try and take some pictures of it while it is still pretty. I still have to go to work. I had been hoping for the 12 to 14 inches, but that didn't happen and I am only 1 mile from my job.

6DPO and a Teary Sunday

I am now 6dpo, almost halfway during out tww. I'm doing pretty well passing the time. I of course want to test as soon as possible, but TP doesn't want me to until closer to my next period date. Last time we were was just the same but I was testing everyday after 7dpo, TP just didn't know it. I had gotten a positive on 11dpo so I am contemplating taking it then. So far no symptoms but I had no symptoms when I was pregnant last time either. I have nothing to go by.

.

Sunday, R made me cry. R is a little guy that TP and I have known since he was 2 1/2. He is now almost 9. He is like our son so much. When his grandmother was very sick (grandma has him) he lived with us for 3 months. Every vacation, hes with us. We took him to Disney this summer. When we lost Shain, R was very upset. He lost a brother that he has wanted for many years. Well, Sunday at church, our minister was talking about Christmas. She was talking about everyone who was not going to be able to be with family, or those who had no family, and those who has lost family this year, who would no longer be there at Christmas. After the service, R looks up at TP and me and says " I'm really sad. Shain isn't going to be with us this Christmas." Just a simple little sentence and I'm all teary. I think I answered in the lines of no he's not bud, but I'm not quite sure.

.

R is still young and he doesn't quite realize that Shain wouldn't have been here anyway for Christmas. But to him, he was born. He has a birthday (10-15-08). He is just not here anymore.

TWW

So I am officially in my TWW now. My temp went up even more this morning. I am pretty sure that I ovulated late Wednesday evening or early Thursday morning. And since we inseminated twice on Wednesday, I think we hit the time right on. I wish we would have done it on Tuesday but I didn't get a positive and I was getting all those weird results. So testing day will be Christmas day. I don't know if we will test or not on that day. I want to be happy on Christmas and if we get a negative I know we will be upset. We will be out of town for that weekend and being with family.

Little Update

Both opks were neg. this morning an my temp went up alot. So I am guessing that I ovulated yesterday or during the night last night. I'm hoping that it is just the miscarriage that is throwing things off and if it doesn't work this time, next time I'll get clearer answers.

One Day Down, Two To Go

I feel so bad for not updating this a lot sooner. First I just wanted to say thanks for all your advice about my sister. I did end up telling her the truth about why i just did not want to talk to her about her being pregnant. Hopefully I will get pregnant on this try and maybe then ill feel a little better about talking to her. As for that, I got my positive on one of my tests this morning so we inseminated twice already today. Once this morning before I went to work and right after I got off work. I marinated for an hour each time and we will do the same thing for the next 2 days.

.

That is one thing I am very grateful for. If we did not have a KD and were not doing this at home, there is no way we could afford 6 times a cycle. Its also very nice that we have a donor willing to do it that many times lol. We ( me, TP, and KD) always joke that we work him to death and its a good thing he gets 28 days of rest lol.

.

Now I use 2 different opks. The answer brand and the clearblue digital one. Every cycle before this one I have gotten a positive on both on the same day. Today the answer brand gave me a pos. and the clearblue gave me a neg. I don't know what to think of this. These tests have never failed me so I don't know what to think. I'm hoping that the one is just detecting my surge earlier then the other. And that the other will give me a pos. tomorrow morn. So I guess we will see in the morning. Now on the up hand my temp is right where it should be. It always rises right after I ovulate and it hasn't done that yet. So I now I am not to late, I might be just a little early. Ill post more tomorrow.

We're Back

We got in late Sunday night. It took us 2 hrs. more to drive home then normal because it Snowed. Our first real snow of the year. We had a blast though. Alot of eating on Thursday and then some early bird shopping Friday. We are now done with all of our Christmas shopping, I just have to wrap my family's presents and ship them. On of these years I'm going to be able to get the time off to see my family for Christmas. I have not celebrated with them in 6 years. Not because I don't want to, but because I switched jobs alot in those years. Now I'm at a job that I've been at for a while but I used all my vacation time when we went to Disney world and during the 2 weeks after I lost Shain. Maybe next year. Anyways got a little off topic, we played alot of games during the weekend. Boardgames with the kids and cards when it was just us adults. It did both of us a lot of good and I'm feeling great right now.

.

I finished my period on Saturday so I will start OPKs tomorrow. I'm still looking at about 10 days till ovulation though, so I'll let you know more as I soon as I know more.

.

Now I come a big family (6 brothers and 5 sisters) and I love them all. But right now I want to kill my younger sister. I get a text from her just to tell me that she is pregnant. Now I don't hate her for being pregnant, But there are some issues surrounding this. My sister has a 3 year old son that she has not seen in almost a year. This is not because she can't, she just doesn't. Her ex has custody but he would let her see him if she wanted to, she has visitation rights by the court. She just doesn't use them. She has also only been with this guy for 3 months, which is very close to how long she had been with her ex before she got pregnant before. I'm afraid that life will repeat and my mother with have another grandchild she doesn't see. And she thinks I'm the one to text, to ask all these questions to. Wondering if these symptoms she's having are normal and I just want to scream. Right at this moment I do not want to talk to her about this, not right now. And I just don't know how to tell her so if anyone has any suggestions, I will gladly take them.

TP told me to just tell her the truth, but I just can't do that.